The Self-Love Progression
Being on holiday makes me aware and I mean of everything. From being aware of nature, peoples relationships, habits, everything. I think one of the things I’ve become most aware of though is how people feel about themselves and this isn’t because they’ve directly told me but it’s from picking up on their habits, the way they talk about themselves and even the way they walk. I’ve done a lot of observing on this holiday and here’s what I think…
How you feel, in the skin you’re in is the most important thing.
I know. This sounds really obvious but when you start actively looking to see if this is true in people you become surprised at how little people feel that way.
I’m a confident person and I’d say I’m quite sure in myself. But this has only developed recently in the last year or so because I’ve given less of a toss what people think. When I came to uni not only did it make me realise how much people care about what others think of them (and how obsessive this becomes) but also how different people are. People share similarities but on the whole they have differences, whether they’re major or different and that’s not to be overlooked.
Its taken me this time to change my perspective on this from “WoW they’re all the same” to “actually they’re different in their own ways and that’s really sick.” It’s taken me time to appreciate people the way they come, not the way others see them.
And what that enabled me to do was to view myself in a more realistic way.
When you have insecurities, what you see in the mirror or in pictures is not what you actually are. And this is because you have a filter and whether you’re conscious of it or not, it’s always working. You can really trick yourself into thinking and seeing yourself in a way that isn’t real because you don’t want to face the fact that you’re unhealthy to a worrying level, for example. And it’s scary when you realise it because you’re wearing rose tinted glasses.
You’re neglecting yourself.
And at this point I realised what a hypocrite I was.
I would preach to everyone else about loving yourself and appreciating who you are and in reality I couldn’t love myself less. And waking up from it was all timing. As I talked about in The Sinatra Bias, it was about waiting until I was ready to open my eyes to it, accept it and do something about. And honestly that was the biggest, most important change I think I’ve ever made. Not only am I embracing my body and the person inside it but I’m finding it easy because I’m tweaking it in the way I want to. I understand myself and my needs and I want to do it, I’m driven to love who and what I am. And it feels so great.
It didn’t come easy to start with and it’s a lot to take on yourself. It’s guilt, it’s worry it’s every emotion at once and it’s really hard. But it’s also so important and something that can’t be rushed. It has to come naturally and it’s a part of growing up. You grown up and accept that whilst you kick yourself for looking or feeling one way, someone else will praise you for it. Everyone feels that way but not everyone chooses to show it and that’s why becoming aware of it is so important. Because it stops you comparing yourself to your best friend or someone on the street.
Feeling sure in who you are and loving yourself is in no way easy and I don’t think something that’s ever completed. But it feels amazing once you start seeing it and feeling it.
So if you’re feeling nervous to wear that dress, cut your hair or go to the gym, remember peoples judgements say more about themselves than anyone else and you can do it, so fucking own it!