My relationship with food is complex and messy, and whilst I may have thought once that its not normal, I’ve come to terms with the fact that it is normal to have an overcomplicated relationship with food. That may not be very clear, but hopefully this will all become understandable…
I ate for comfort.
I love food and I love eating. So so much. But I’m also incredibly picky and when you constantly want to eat, even if you’re not hungry, and you’re picky you fall into habits. Habits of overeating the wrong foods because everything else doesn’t seem as good. And it’s something I ignored for a long long time because it was the rose tinted glasses that kept me from acknowledging the fact that, ironically, I was extremely unhealthy. I ate for comfort. But I don’t think I’m alone in this…
I think eating for comfort is common, I see it in the people all around me, because it feels good. It feels good to eat, especially when it tastes like McDonalds. But these foods I craved oh so often had a moreish charm about them that kept me coming back for more. It was never just one piece of chocolate, it was a mass. And what’s worse, I wasn’t eating for nourishment.
But because I ate so much of these foods that were clogging my insides I actually started to dislike them. They became boring and mundane. What once excited me to eat, turned me off. It was a wake up call of the highest proportions. I woke up and saw these foods actually effecting me on the outside and the inside. I didn’t want to look at myself in the mirror but I also lost appetite and lost enthusiasm for eating. What the hell happened?
I’d pushed myself so far the wrong way that I actually began to crave vegetables. And fruit. Fresh, healthy food. The things I one never wanted, was all I had an appetite for. Now this is not the right way about it, I know that but there was nothing I could do about it. Something that I should’ve been able to control, couldn’t be less in my grasp.
And then I fell in love with food all over again…
This new craving and desire for good food developed and my enthusiasm for cooking came back for new food that tasted good and did well for my health.
And now?
I love food again but I love the foods that are doing me good and coinciding with exercise is changing everything. I love eating again and I’m excited for it. But this doesn’t mean that I don’t have the foods that I used to live off of anymore, I just don’t have them as often and because of that, I can appreciate them again.
Certain foods aren’t “bad” or “naughty”
I think what’s really dangerous about food is guilt. There’s a huge stigma that certain foods are “bad” for you and therefore you should feel guilty for eating them. People make money off of this and whilst it’s not explicit it’s the subliminal messaging around having it. Don’t get me wrong, eating in moderation is important, god knows I’ve learnt that. But I know for a fact the guilt of eating badly drove me to comfort. And that comfort was food.
This guilt is dangerous and even though now I’m eating healthier I’m still eating what I want when I want it and I’m enjoying it, whether that’s a stir fry stuffed with veggies or a waffle drenched in chocolate.
Always remember to nourish yourself and ever feel guilty for indulging.