Here’s why what’s going on on the inside is so much more important than what’s shown on the outside – listening rather than assuming.
*clarification* I am fully aware both are important and to be celebrated and considered but EDIT what I’m trying to explain is why not everything should be taken at face value.
I think when people say you never know what’s going on in someone else’s life it’s completely true and true also of their mind. Even on a basic level, there’s no way we can begin to understand the way a person thinks or feels or does, it’s their own personal brain chemistry. So it comes as no surprise that the nosy human gets frustrated when they can’t understand what someone’s doing or why. We’re problem solvers, that’s natural.
But where do you draw the line between intrigue, helpfulness and overstepping a boundary because usually what you think about someone’s mind or personal life will be assumption based on context clues and opinion – so unless someone tells us directly we never really know. But even then it may not be the direct truth, it may be lifted or twisted or forgotten about. And your interpretation of their words may spin a completely different story.
I think what I’m trying to get at here is assumption – because of all the things I’ve mentioned it’s so easy to assume what’s happening to someone else particularly based on what’s being shown on the outside and it can have a really negative effect on peoples confidence on their self esteem etc the list goes on.
Now this isn’t to say that you shouldn’t ignore external signs – often people show them even if they don’t want help. They may want attention or just someone to talk to and don’t know how to go about it but that doesn’t mean that you skip asking to just assume. At the end of the day, caring is the most important part but the way you go about it is to be considered.
And I think this is also why we need to have more patience with people – this is something I’ve been particularly trying at the moment. And it’s really hard. I’ve often been the first to jump down someone’s throat without really knowing what’s going on and it hasn’t gotten me anywhere. So I’m trying to practice more patience and anyone I know can hold me to this and I think it’s something we can all do. Patience is bloody hard but can also be the difference between resolution and an unbelievable falling out.
It’s something to think about and something I’m still trying to figure out but something I’m very aware of at the moment and wanted to talk about, just some food for thought…