Wyn Kumar explores the depths of heartbreak through poetry and prose.
In my nearly 25 years on this Earth, I have found that there are all kinds of shapes and sizes of heartbreak. Revealing itself in all kinds of wonderful colors, coming with their own smells, songs, smiles and well, what you came here for
–sadness.
When told to think of heart break, the eye is drawn to the consequences (emphasis on the con) as well as the direct/ripple effects onto you and your fishbowl world.
The questions we are asked by others and more often ourselves is,
“What happened? “
“Why me? “
“What could I have done?”
Or maybe I’m projecting a bit.
Either way- we all bleed some form of heartbreak and we choose how to paint our towns red.
We can choose to add some glitter and gold and praise Lakshmi for the immense inner wealth brought from the experience.
We can choose to wallow and willow away; mimicking the weeping we do to rid ourselves of that pain and hurt.
Whatever it be, choose your medium to express your journey and tell the tales of the battles won and lost in the name of love. That’s why we do it right, for love?
Don’t get me started on love.
Okay, maybe a little. BUT ONLY FOR CONTEXT.
Now in my years, naively navigating heartbreak, I managed to get a few things off my chest.
These are poems or excerpts from my bleeding heart to yours.
We open with our first heartbreak. I set the scene.
You are in love with your best friend, they tell you that after 2 years from when you drunkenly said those 3 silly words, they then professed feelings similarly months later.
You try your best not to mess it up, one day they say they are unsure if they still do….
I feel the need to mention this bit-
I did not see this coming.
I rush to stand
In the thunderous storm
As I listen to it tell me
You’re still alive
In these showers that spring brings to me
Allowing me to witness the life it creates
Under the white flashes of
Lightning striking the ground
Surrounding me with its power
Reminding me that I am not alone
Just lonely.
Excerpt from Untitled (April 2017)
This was written 1 month after my first heartbreak.
Well, the one they write stories about anyway. Or at least Taylor Swift did.
The second heartbreak I experienced I saw coming straight for me. I was warned, prepped, and trained and still managed to have my world burned to ash.
This is where we meet Patsy.
We can call her nana, and she was a pain in my ass. She is also my number one fan and my guardian angel if you happen to believe in those.
I was told we only argued because we were “so much alike” and to this day, anyone who had the pleasure of knowing her still tells me, “ah, just like nana, huh?”
We always bothered each other about something or the other, picking a fight, saying some wise ass comment, and then ending it somehow with a shared plate of cut fruit (mangoes, of course).
She was sick. She always yelled at me to tell the truth so I will.
I was bad from the start. This time I wasn’t just lonely, but alone.
So, I wrote,
Steady now.
For your past is pushing you faster than your eyes can record
Take notice.
Of all that hurts in these delicate moments
For it is these that define you
So, shake off those nerves now
And remember,
They were once made of steel.
Magnolias (June 2017)
After all that arguing over the years, she must have needed some rest.
She passed 4 days before her birthday.
Now, not all loss is experienced the same.
But Patsy-girl was definitely a heartbreak for the books.
I blamed myself for years. I got angry at her for a bit. I wondered what a few seconds in any direction could have changed for all of us.
Then, I heard Nana.
A calm set over.
This last poem is my ode to self. Yours or mine.
I would say the tears have dried but that would assume we have forgotten what we have learned. I still feel that small hollow feeling when I think of the stories I get to tell and only because, although the hurt came and it went, it is with me.
In the end, I found that the biggest heartbreak was being reflected back at me.
As much as these heart breaks taught me about life, love, and longing; the person I needed to show up was not the one I yearned for.
Heart break has taught me that as much as we falter and fall, we will always have our own hearts. And I hope this helps heal some of yours.
There will be times when it feels like the end of it all
You will suddenly feel your chest cave in
As if a sinkhole has made its home
In place of your throbbing heart
But I know there will be a time
When the air will find its way back down those
Winding roads to rest easy in your lungs
And you will remember what it feels like to breathe again.
Me, Myself, I (September 2018)
-
Wyn Kumar
Hi there! My name is Wyneeta, but everyone calls me Wyn. I currently work as an English Tutor in South Florida. I have always enjoyed helping others and strive to uplift others through any means or medium possible. My passion for the arts started from a young age and has now blossomed into various lines of prose and paintings. These poems came from heartbreak and blossomed into a whole new kind of love.
I needed a fresh start but you can find me under the username @ikigaiwyn on Instagram for more projects and info. I hope you find some peace in my poetry.